Grieco Snubbed

Dear Members of the Academy:

I see once again that you, The Hollywood Elite, have completely ignored the work of Grieco. While you were busy handing out awards to anyone who cobbled together some politically-charged or socially-conscious claptrap, Grieco was busting his ass making movies for the people. What’s that you say? Grieco didn’t make any movies during 2005? Well, I guess you failed to catch a little film I like to call Forget About It. Had you watched it you would have seen some bold Italian stereotypes put forth not only by Grieco, but by Burt Reynolds and the future star of Bts’s and my gripping drama “The Statistician,” Robert Loggia. But you know what? It’s not just about this year. What about last year when you didn’t even bother to open the copies of Grieco’s Dead Easy that I sent you. Look, I didn’t see the movie either, but I think it’s some kind of cat and mouse piece full of intrigue and pure awesomeness, so it’s your loss. Your anti-Grieco tendencies can even be traced back all the way to ought-one when you skipped over the performances of Grieco, Dice Clay, Ice T, Gremlins’s Zach Galligan, and legendary Skid Row front man, Sebastian Bach, in the brilliant Point Doom. That’s right, Point F’ing Doom. Did its sleazy agents and exposure of the dark underbelly of LA nightlife hit a little too close to home? Or was its seemingly $20.00 budget just too damn real for you?

What’s that Academy? You say this year’s winners in the male acting categories are more deserving than Grieco? Bullshit, I say! Pure bullshit. Let’s look at Best Supporting Actor, George Clooney. Please. Grieco was the sexiest man alive when Clooney was still sportin’ a mullet on “The Facts of Life” trying to get Blair to bang him in the back of the bookstore. That brings us to Best Actor, Phillip Seymour Hoffman. OK, so I can’t say anything bad about him. I mean, everything that guy does is gold. But ask yourself this Academy; does Phillip Seymour Hoffman have a blog dedicated to him that’s run by a somewhat crazed, incredibly bored 30 year-old who spends all of his free time watching crappy movies and yelling at the TV because he’s positive that if he could just get somebody to read his screenplay about the Russian sub captain and the hairdresser who open up a small clothing boutique together in SoHo he would be totally famous? No. No, he does not. And if Phillip Seymour Hoffman doesn’t have that going for him, how could he possibly be worthy of an Oscar?

In closing, I would like to thank the members of the Academy. That’s right. Thank you. Thank you for proving once again that, despite your best efforts, Grieco will not simply go away. Nay! He will never go quietly into the night no matter how many times you pass him over. For now, even as you are snubbing him on this most special of eves, he is in post-production for Raiders of the Damned which is going to blow your freakin’ minds, and he is in pre-production for a piece entitled The Ghost Riders. It’s about dead outlaws who return from the depths of hell to wreak havoc upon a small town, so suck on that. If you ignore either of those films you might as well just be the Independent Spirit Awards.

Sincerely,

Michael Corben

P.S. Please find a copy of Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow: The Hunt for Dreads October enclosed. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.