The Saint vs. Eyes of the Werewolf

Eyes of the Werewolf
The greatest challenge of watching Eyes of the Werewolf is trying to figure out when the hell it was made. While it was “released” in 2003, the high-waisted jeans, high-cut panties, and the abundance of Geo Trackers on the road suggest a different time altogether. The story follows a man who receives an eye transplant (yep, an eye transplant) and begins to take on the characteristics of the donor. Unfortunately, the donor was a werewolf. Full-moons that were clearly shot in the middle of the day follow, various incredibly gory deaths take place, and a lesbian subplot between a nurse and a cop never gets off the ground. There’s a midget, a few yokels, and some of the worst effects you have ever seen. Although, I was way into the wolf mask they were working with.

The Saint
For those of you who are not familiar with The Saint, I weep. Kilmer dons so many masks it’s hard to keep up with. While his brilliant, tortured “Sir Thomas Moore” is the standout, we must never forget his Spaniard on the plane who seduces the hot girl in order to transport some sort of medal through customs or his overly-effeminate, possibly-German guy who goes face-to-face with the traitor Tretiak. His Russian and Aussie accents are pretty awesome, too.

Breakdown
Eyes of the Werewolf shows a lot of heart throughout with its blatant stereotypes, seemingly utter lack of cinematography, its soft-core boob shots, and a script that, if written by mentally-challenged children, is really, really great. Seriously, you all did a wonderful job. None of this even matters though, because The Saint came to fucking play, y’all. The #1 seed moves on with very little trouble at all.