The Rumors of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Dear “Grieco is King” Readers,

I was scanning your precious Internet in search of a Thai hooker I once laid down with while I was shooting an as yet unreleased picture with Sean Astin and the kid from “Mr. Belvedere.” I wanted to get her take on the recent military coup that’s occurred in her homeland. My search led to only one dead end after another, and alas I could not find my sweet Ratchanee. Perhaps she fled before the revolution came or perhaps she’s grown weary of the stench of cheap whiskey and blowjobs. I know not. What I do know is that the search for my beloved brought me to this site, a seemingly once-fruitful pursuit now helmed by a coward. That’s right. I said it. This “#5,” if that is his real name, dares to invoke the name of Grieco time and time again only to then shy away from his duty and slink off in shame. “I’m too busy,” he says. “Work is hard,” he says. Please. Try doing lines off a stripper’s ass and convincing her you still have some pull in Hollywood. That’s freaking hard. But I have strayed from the point. I say this to you now #5 and to all who may read my words; as long as there is breath in this body and fire in these loins I shall remain your King. So #5, cast off these chains of oppression, rise up to meet your fear, and reclaim your rightful place by my side. This, I command!

--RG