Grieco: Year One

I’ve returned from my trips to Hollywood and Arlington (sister cities?), and it’s time to celebrate GIK’s first birthday. I wanted to look back at all we’ve accomplished over the year, and I thought the best way to do it would be to take a look at some of the comments (and the posts their linked to) that shaped the world of Grieco. The following is a collection of some of my favorites. They span almost the entire Grieco cannon, painting a clear picture of where we’ve been and perhaps where we are going.

Look Back in Greico

I feel like things really took off for GIK with the Hang Your Head in Shame posts. Part II sparked the ire of Kev, which is always fun for everybody:

How dare you, GIK... How dare you take an innocent blog used seemingly for good, and then twist it into something so hurtful. I speak, of course, of your needless assailing of Andrea Barber, otherwise known as Kimmy Gibler on Full House. She may not have her own clothing line or coke habit like the Olsen twins, but at least Ms. Barber could hold her own against the comedy stylings of Dave Coulier. Let this serve as your warning, GIK, lest you be tempted to cross the line in the future.

Kev
President and Founder,
Andrea Barber Fan Club

This one from Many, Many Movies sums up what was on everybody’s mind this year:

bts said...
Dude. Obviously Karate Dog.

You may remember that the shit started to go down with Grieco Madness, a seminal point in GIK’s history. The following is a comment that ended up shaping the entire tournament:

bts said...
i cant believe Starship Troopers is even on there... that's something else entirely. and the exclusion of Left Behind??? also, since when does Showgirls deserve a 1 seed over obvious contender Mazes and Monsters?just here to vent

Soon after BTS’ rant, Judgement was scratched and Left Behind replaced it.

The tournament gave us a glimpse into the life of a high school teacher (thanks Kev):

I present: 9 Very Grieco Degrees of Jason X/M&M:

Tom Hanks was in Busom Buddies with Wendie-Jo Sperber who was on Parker Lewis Can't Lose with Corin Nemec who was in The Stand with Gary Sinise who was in Reindeer Games with Ben Affleck who was in Good Will Hunting with far more talented brother Casey Affleck who was in a stirring remake of Hamlet with Kyle McLachlan who was in Showgirls with Gena Gershon who was directed in Crash (the soft-core lesbo-esque one, not the Oscar one) by David Cronenberg who was - blink and you may miss him - in Jason X.

I am bored.

The tournament also gave us a glimpse of pictures that weren’t even battling it out:

the ghost of gene siskel said...

Since the Saint was mentioned in passing in the this post, I'd like to announce that, in an effort to redeem myself for Blind Horizon, I watched the great Val Kilmer in The Island of Dr. Moreau last night. Echoing his hair from Top Gun, Kilmer was solid as the wacky, sadistic neuro-surgeon. Aside from, or because of, a few really bizarre acting choices - like when the unappealing Brit who's marooned on the crazy island is trying to radio for help and Kilmer shows him that he's stolen a crucial circuit board, which he is oddly balancing on top of his head - it's classic Kilmer. Brando in the title role was way too good for the film he was in, and the cast of "Cats" grunted and scampered admirably. The SFX were made on a graphing calculator. I watched until Brando got his chest ripped open by Rum Tum Tugger, then I went to bed.

Go M&M!

At 2:34 PM, Sherpa said...
hey ghost, you forgot to mention the hot interspecies orgy towards the end of "Island." Tigers and goats doin' it is super hot in my book.

And it got folks fired up about made-for-Canadian-TV movies:

obidiah said...
I hope Jason X is prepared for the thorough pantsing it will surely receive by perennial underdog Mazes and Monsters. Pardu the Holy Man can pop the trey every time, and Glacia the Fighter is clearly ready to throw down. Jason who?

But in the end, the film that without BTS’ rage never would’ve taken the floor shocked the world and won it all:

bts said...
boo yeah.
i love M/M with a heart of gold and leaves, but Left Behind is just too fucking powerful.

Speaking of rage. Mine couldn’t be stopped, leading to a frank discussion of taints:

Sherpa said...
Woooahhh there. Easy, trigger. The rage is full force! Good thing I went to bed before you.

By the way, if Carlos Mencia isn't worthy of licking Carrot Top's taint, who is? I mean, what poor bastard has that job? Especially having to do it while Carrot Top is bench pressing...his muscles are scary.

At 11:40 PM, Anonymous said...
Only Mindfreak is worthy.

At 8:35 AM, sherpa said...
There is NOOOOOOO reality!!

Perhaps the greatest thing about GIK’s first year is that even when I wasn’t talking about Grieco, others were keeping the people informed:

bts said...
whilst visiting Michigan one sunny coolish day a few months ago I happened to purchase a film, put out by the Lifetime Television concern, titled " She's Too Young". if at all possible, seek out this film and watch it. make it. it will feel very fine.

At 11:55 AM, Diana said...
Have you seen the one where a very bloated Grieco rapes a girl, then they get married because she doesn't know he's the one that raped her and knocked her up, and they have kids and he's all great then he loses his mind and starts beating her, then she tries to leave him, so he beats her some more? I saw this gem on lifetime network when I was 13, before I began avoiding lifetime like the plague.


Now for a commercial break, here are some of Anonymous’s highlights. Is he a coward for hiding his name? Perhaps. Is he actually Grieco? Goddamn I hope so:

Anonymous said...
My cousin gave himself Trapped in the Closet for Christmas. He hasn't been the same since.


Anonymous said... (In defense of Gymkata)
"Kane" doesn't even have a town of crazies. Or Olympic gymnasts. Speaking of which, if Grieco were to medal in one winter Olympic sport, which one would it be?

Anonymous said...
Why hasn't anyone mentioned Young Sherlock Holmes? I mean, there's a Coptic death cult in it.

As GIK learned to chew solid foods, I was reminded of why the lovely Sherpa is so lovely:

(In response to The Craft)
Sherpa said...
The end of the film. The scene opens in the looney bin. Nancy is tied to a bed in a padded room...

Nancy: I'm FLYING! FLYING! (crazy laugh/crying) *sniff* Ha HA! Flying!!

Oh, fuck me. Seriously, where did they get their research from?? They had only one of the proper ritual items when they "Called the Corners" (a practice which is also made up--it's usually called a Magick Circle--not a square). They had their athames (pronounced A-tha-mays), which are ceremonial daggers used to represent the male figure, but they didn't have a cauldron, a broom, a wand, and completely omitted the chalice, which is used to represent the female aspect in spells. Aren't those girls supposed to be all "Grrrl Power" and shit? Where yo chalice at, bitch? And athames aren't supposed to be used as actual weapons, Fairuza. They're symbolic, duh! Stop trying to stab everyone, yo.

Finally, the fact that there is no mention of a "goddess" deity. This "spirit" the girls try to "invoke" is named "Manaw" and is male. Who the fuck is Manaw?! There ain't no such thing!!

Ahem...sorry.

Work came and went and GIK, old enough to be left alone at 11 months, had to fend for itself for a while. But even after a year, weened from the milk of its mother’s teet, GIK is still going. More importantly, it’s still warranting talk of panties:

bts said...
i am going to be in Hollywood in December, so could you leave me like a trail of skittles to celebrity panty drawers?

At 5:18 AM, the ghost of gene siskel said...
haven't you heard? shocktarts are in. panties, out. panty drawers, however, still in.

Without you folks I would just be a crazed man ranting about bad movies while wearing his pajamas. With you, I’m that, but with like five or six readers. As my grandfather used to say, “I thank you, my mother thanks you, my father thanks you, and my Grieco thanks you.” OK, he didn’t say the Grieco thing, but if he were here I think he’d be cool with it.

Happy fucking birthday GIK!