I am Robin of Locksley!

The lovely Sherpa sent me a great article from MSNBC chronicling the worst movie accents of all time. It seemed like a very Grieco article, and the writer even seems to posses a bit of that Grieco rage, so you really need to check it out.

It starts out talking about Russell Crowe's accent in the previews for American Gangster, and I'm glad somebody is talking about it. The man sounds ridiculous. It reminds me of when I had to play a Romanian in a play in college and I basically came in with my really bad imitation of hated Chicago Bull Tony Kukoch (who is, by the way, not from Romania). Crowe isn't tapping into his inner Eastern European, but he is butchering the New York accent. I know, I know, it's already pretty ugly, but it's not the generic nonsense Crowe seems to be bringing. Anyway, it's nice to see Crowe get called out. He's been a hack for at least like 5 years. Anyway, here's the list (and my thoughts):


Dick Van Dyke (Mary Poppins): OK. He has a point. But it's Van Dyke, man.

Brad Pitt (The Devil's Own): I can't believe I haven't brought this picture up before. Pitt's Irish dialect truly rivals some of the worst shit you've ever heard. It makes Cruise in Far and Away sound like Colm Meaney.

Angelina Jolie (Alexander): Sadly, I haven't seen this movie, and I am sure it is pure Grieco. I can't stand Jolie, though, so I am sure it's a dead-on selection.

Gary Oldman (State of Grace): So many bizarre Oldman accents to choose from. I like that he went with this one as it's an American (NY) accent he butchers. Those Brits are so fond of mocking us for our poor dialect work. How does it feel now, Brits? Yeah, that's right. Probably similar to the way it felt when Prime Minister Lord North resigned, huh? Yeah, Treaty of Paris, son!

Uma Thurman (Henry and June): OK, this is one of Sherpa's favorite movies, so I invite her to comment on the validity of this entry on the list. I will say that this movie, much like Basquiat, makes me want to kill people.

Tim Robbins (Mystic River): This is a bold entry, because Robbins won the Oscar for this. I have to say that I couldn't get past the whole “vaguely retarded” thing he was doing to even really deal with the accent.

Winona Ryder (Bram Stoker's Dracula): What more can I even say about her performance in this movie. Please read “Hang Your Head in Shame” for a different take at what is one of the worst performances of all time. He could have put Keanu in here, but as he suggests, that's just too easy. Not too easy for me, as I listed it as the worst "non-Costner" accent of all time. Oh, and while you're at it, check out “Hang Your Head in Shame II.” I like that one.

Forest Whitaker (The Crying Game): Another bold entry. Haven't seen it in long time. Kind of forgot he was British in this, but I do remember a cricket outfit, so that makes sense I guess. Stephen Rea and the dulcet tones of Mr. Simon LeBon more than make up for it.

Liam Neeson (Schindler's List): Those of you who know me, know this picture is on the list. Haven't and shan't see it. Let me know if Neeson is really worth a mention here.

Special Award: Kevin Costner (Robin Hood, JFK, A Perfect World, 13 Days): Man, so bold. English, New Orleans, Texan, New England. It's as though Costner can do no right. This man is arguably the worst actor of all time. However, I love A Perfect World and anything he plays baseball in. That said, you knew a special spot had to be reserved for him.