Shhh. The Doll Lady is Everywhere.

Halloween is finally here. I love it, but it saddens me, as I now have to let the spoookiness go until next year. However, I do have one day left for terror, and I am going to use it.

Myself, the lovely Sherpa, and our House Guest from the West Coast (HGWC) have spent the last week watching various horror movies and “documentaries” on the Travel Channel and Discovery. I'm a fan of the one where the guy goes to old English castles and says stuff like “I'm getting that a man named John or James once lived here." Really? You think in the last 800 years a British guy named John or James might have lived there? Crazy. I bet if I go to a family reunion I'll meet at least seven dudes named Frank. Am I psychic, now?

Sorry, I've lost track. Oh, so we've been getting in the spirit, and the ladies even carved some awesome pumpkins (Mr. Burns as Bram Stoker's Dracula is my favorite). We checked out Fright Night (doesn't hold up at all, but '80s dance scene is still hot) and HGWC suggested we check out Dead Silence...and so we did.

Dead Silence
When I first saw the preview for this in the theatre, I was really fired up. There was a creepy old chick who was way into equally creepy dolls. It seemed to have the makings, you know? I heard terrible things, though, so I kind of let it come and go. However, at the video store we decided to go all ventriloquist dummy, so we rented Magic (classic) and Dead Silence (uncut).

OK, so this movie has some of the worst dialogue you will ever here. This particular line is perhaps my favorite ever: “In the town where I'm from, a ventriloquist dummy is a bad omen.” Man, it just doesn't get any worse than that. Then, there's Donnie Wahlberg (on the back-up) playing a rough-around-the-edges cop. Unfortunately for all of us, Donnie has chosen as a his character quirk/actor trick to randomly shave with an electric razor at various points throughout the film. Seriously, he'll be like mid-conversation and just start shaving. I don't even know, man. I guess it's tough being in the shadow of the younger brother who you created.

Anyway, despite terrible dialogue, the electric razor, and gaping plot holes, there are some legit scares in Dead Silence. I have to admit, it was much scarier than I thought it was going to be. You have to fight through a lot of nonsense to get there, but when it delivers, it really delivers (the mortuary scene is particularly frightening). HGWC and I are both huge horror fans and have seen many a scary picture in our day, and I will tell you, we both had nightmares about Dead Silence after watching it. The Lovely Sherpa, however, did not, and I've seen her get scared by commercials, so take it for what it is.

That said, I'm giving Dead Silence 3-Griecos. I like the scares, I like the twists, I love the horrible dialogue. I would have given it 3 1/2-Griecos, but there is this CGI tongue that kind of ruins a lot of scenes.

Happy Halloween! May the shades and wraiths be with you.