Sequels: Part I

I saw an enormous ad for National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets the other day, and it got me pretty fired up. TGOGS and I left the Wonder Twins behind when the original Natty Treas hit the theaters and we loved it. Kind of. I mean it was way too long, but totally awesome none the less. Anyway, I'm sure Voight and Cage will make Part 2 even more ridiculous/kickass. The giant ad got me thinking about sequels, and how I have sort of stayed away from them as an entity on GIK. Well, that stops today with the first installment of what may or may not be a recurring segment.

Sure, we'll get into pointless sequels like Teen Wolf, Too or Fievel Goes West and disgraceful sequels like The Godfather III, but I wanted to kick things off with the worst "multiple sequels" of all time. Whether they're 2/3 of a trilogy or parts of a seemingly never-ending series, there's something really special about watching sequels get progressively worse.

Matrix Reloaded; Matrix Revolutions -- Hey, I have an idea. Let's take this Matrix thing out of the Matrix and eliminate everything that makes it cool. Oh, and let's really show off the fact that we once read a book on philosophy. What? You already did that Wachowski Bros? How'd that work out for you?

Halloween III; H2O; Halloween: Resurrection – OK, so Halloween III: Season of the Witch is simply one of the worst movies ever made. I would say watch it, but I don't know if you can make it through. I'd give it 1 1/2-Griecos on a good day, and it has nothing to do with Michael Myers, so it's just worthless. What bothers me about H2O and Resurrection is that they return to the Jamie Lee/Michael Myers story arc, totally ignoring Halloweens IV, V, and VI in the process. Now, VI has some problems, but the later sequels don't even account for IV and V, which are too good to be ignored. I mean, ultimately, Halloween IV is my favorite Halloween picture. There, I said it. Sorry John Carpenter, that's just how I feel. Anyway, glossing over IV and V is unforgivable in my book.

Alien 3; Alien Resurrection -- In the opening minutes of Alien 3, Reese and Newt are killed off without ever waking up from the “hyper-sleep” they were put into in Aliens. That's just wrong. You can't kill off two of the most beloved characters in the series without even giving them a line. Especially when one of those characters is played by Michael Biehn. It's like when Doug Masters dies in the opening scene of Iron Eagle II (we'll get to that at another time). Total bullshit. As for Resurrection; well I guess I don't like that word being in the titles of sequels. Also, this movie is more French than Sci-Fi, and not good French; annoying French. I mean, a quasi-cloned Ripley becomes some kind of a mother/lover to the Giger Alien, and there's all kind of womb imagery, and Winona Ryder is like Bram Stoker's Dracula bad. She might even be worse in this one. OK, probably not, but she's still really unwatchable.

So, there they are. The worst multi-sequels of all time. I'm sure I missed a few. Please let me know.