TGOGS

The Ghost of Gene Siskel here, coming off the bench for #5 as he finishes up his month of silence at the Greater Pflugerville Buddhist Meditation Zone. I humbly thank him for the guest slot; for the rest of you, I have a question. Have you ever purchased a videocassette at Goodwill because it had the most evocative, enticing cover you’ve ever seen? If so, you, like me, probably picked up this gem.

The thing about the cover, though, is that the futuristic, Star Wars-inspired artist’s rendering belies the gritty, workaday action flick that lies within. Someone in Marketing must have realized this, for I’ve found two alternate versions on the net, neither as compelling as the one above. But enough about the outer facade – let’s get up in the guts of the film itself:

SAVAGE DAWN
This 1989 picture opens with badass loner Stryker (artfully portrayed by Lance Henrickson) fueling up his futuristic motorcycle (1) at a remote desert gas station, smoking right by the pump. Up rolls a motley crew of leather-clad bikers who proceed to harass a nice young lady and bully the owner. (I swore one of the bikers was Randy Quaid for half the film, and his little buddy bore a striking resemblance to Alan Cumming in Chicago, as noted by the lovely Obadiah. At any rate, they make for a powerful comic duo throughout.) Henrickson intervenes in the kerfuffle and the bikers turn on him, choosing to gang up on him in the classic one-dude-makes-a-clumsy-lunge-with-a-heavy-object-while-the-others-snarl-on-the-perimiter, waiting-their-turn style of combat. He kicks some ass, rides his bike over a station wagon and tears off toward the sleepy desert town of Agua Dulce. Upon arrival, he receives a less-than-warm welcome from the Sheriff, Deputy Joe-Bob (who moonlights as a take-all-comers brawler in the local saloon) and another deputy who is, yep, a midget. Then a local blonde comes up out of nowhere to lay a serious kiss on Henrickson, and the fuzz backs off. We learn that she’s his best friend’s daughter, who he hasn’t seen since she was a little girl. Her status as love-interest is immediately and creepily established. But who’s this best friend Stryker is seeking out? Why it’s George Kennedy, a wheelchair-bound weapons expert with whom Henrickson has apparently gone through some very dark and blood-soaked times (Special Ops?). Man. They sure are relieved that all that’s behind them now...

Or is it? (It isn’t.)

So the “Savages,” as the gang calls themselves, rumble into town, now in their full numbers, which are legion. Here we meet the leader of the pack, the dude who plays John Goodman’s sidekick in Raising Arizona (“Mighty fine cereal flakes, Ms. McDonough.”). He’s playing pretty much the same role, except meaner and bearded, with a limp. It’s great. The bikers start some trouble in the saloon, with this guy fighting Deputy Joe Bob and winning only when Cereal Flakes steps in to cheat. The bar wench, a drunken Karen Black, decides that now is a good time to say “screw this town” and hops on the back of Cereal Flakes’ bike as the gang rumbles away. Henrickson observes all, disgusted but passive.

And so it goes, bikers breaking shit and ripping girls’ shirts off while Henrickson suppresses his fighting instincts, until they mess with someone he cares about. It’s George Kennedy’s teenage son, who gets dragged behind a motorcycle and scuffed up pretty handily. Henrickson saves the kid and they hole up in Kennedy’s compound (no pun intended) on the outskirts of town to prepare for the all-out-war they know is coming. But instead of doing the obvious thing and equipping Henrickson’s bike with all manner of boss weaponry, Kennedy pieces together some sort of potato gun rocket launcher out of PVC pipe, tinfoil and a professional-grade explosive head which he evidently unscrewed from a real rocket launcher and duct-taped to his contraption. A few Savages come out to try to start shit, wielding chains, blades and a cordless drill, but Henrickson dispatches with them swiftly. And here I need to discuss a specific aspect of the fight choreography. I’m not certain that it happens in this scene, but I do know it happens. Henrickson, surrounded by thugs, dipping, dodging, outmaneuvering, outfoxing, in a moment of inspiration, grabs the most convenient makeshift weapon at hand, which happens to be a fucking rattlesnake, and stabs a dude in the neck with it. That’s the caliber work we’re dealing with.

As for the rest of the bad guys, they devise a scheme whereby a couple of hot biker chicks will saunter up to the gates of the local Army base (motto: “To Protect and Serve,” which I thought belonged to a different outfit, but never mind), seduce the dimwitted guards, and then bust in en masse. All goes according to plan, and they manage to steal a couple of tanks. Nobody ever comes after them for this, if you were wondering. And so the stage is set for the final showdown.

The pandemonium reaches a fever pitch in down town Agua Dulce. The Savages are getting down to some serious “partying,” including the cold-blooded murder of a barber who’s trying to spread the Gospel (played for laughs) and yet another biker harlot seducing the town’s preacher, who is also, for no reason, also the mayor (2). Now is the time when our heroes spring into action. Kennedy suggests that they sneak into town through the mines, which have never been mentioned up until this point. He and Henrickson do so and emerge in some sort of Chinese bodega – you see, there is now a large Chinese population in the town that appears to have been cut from the rest of the film but is integral to Act III. Not Americanized Chinese, mind you – they mill about in silken vestments and conical bamboo hats. They’ve even got their own hero, a young man who joins forces with Team Stryker. Welcome to the film, Chinese villagers!

So the blonde stages a diversion by attempting to usurp Cereal Flakes’ bitch seat from Karen Black. While the Savages hoot and holler at the ensuing cat fight, Kennedy sends the local retarded kid on what could be a suicide mission – taking his bomb-stuffed teddy bear over to one of the bikers’ tanks and leaving it there to explode. It’s a total close one, since the kid is retarded and all, but it works, the tank blows up and Kennedy starts taking shit out with his potato gun – bye, Alan Cumming. The Chinese guy gets into the mix, nobly attempting to justify his inclusion in the film. Finally, Henrickson shows up, kills Cereal Flakes and various supporting characters, and the remaining Savages bug out and the town is safe once more. Henrickson and blonde, sunset, credits.

As all GIK regulars know, there are bad movies that you struggle through and bad movies that you just can’t get enough of. Savage Dawn is definitely one of the latter. It moves pretty well and has all the right ingredients. The clichéd everything, gratuitous boob shots and cavalcade of B-list stars all coalesce to make this one of the finest crappy movies ever to have graced my shelf. I’m giving it 3 ½ Griecos (see ratings)– the extra ½ Grieco is for the fucking snake.

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1The bike is the only thing remotely futuristic about the film – it’s kind of a precursor to the Kawasaki Ninja.

2This bit part is played by Richard Lynch, who receives billing on the poster while Henrickson gets none. He must be somebody – he has 151 credits to his name on imdb, none of which I’ve managed to see. No clue who he is, but I’m sure one of you dorks knows. Kev?